I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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