I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
