It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
