I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
