He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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