even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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