Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
