he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
