This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
