How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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