she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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