Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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