So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
