Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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