he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
