Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
