i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
be right there i have to get my cape
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
