were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
