how can u be prego again
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
