Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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