I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
