hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's never too late to be topless.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
