At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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