I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
