it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
