Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
