how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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