I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
