the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't deserve a penis
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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