this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
