How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
