I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
