R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize