he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
