if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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