he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize