that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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