Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
being pregnant is like rehab
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
