she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
