Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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