well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
