why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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