Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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