is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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