You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
