Sober January is a disaster.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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