The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
