Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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