Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize