his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
