He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
