I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
