There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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