Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
