I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
