Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
