i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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