she looked like the before picture.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
