Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize