You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
