What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize