I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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