omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
