Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
