So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
