just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
