i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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