i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
